THE PAIN

The pain, the unbearable pain of losing a loved one. In this manner am talking about my Beloved father,a man who was next to my heart a loving, caring and responsible Dad A father that father who did everything to see that we smiled every morning, that father who loved us unconditionally.
I lost my dad in the year 2013 but until date am yet to admit he is really gone. Only if he was still here only if…I still hope that some days I will see him walk through that door and tell me my baby am still here am right beside you and I never left.
Yes its true I miss him everyday, I miss him each second I miss him every hour, he was my shoulder to lean on he was my mentor and my pastor and my dad I never saw him the last days for he was hospitalized and I was about to seat for my final exams so nobody told me my dad was sick and hospitalized for a month nobody told me his condition was worsening nobody said a word. After my exams going home I was told my dad was admitted almost a month now but they did not explain how serious his condition was
On my way to the hospital my mama told me your dad is sick bla bla bla bla you know but she also did not disclose how serious my dad was,so reaching the hospital I was taken to my dad’s room I couldn’t believe my eyes my dad was sick really sick he was on oxygen he was so sick he was not able to open his eyes he couldn’t feed himself for he was using pipe to feed believe me when I say he was sick. I tried to put an act that I was strong but I just couldn’t I broke down in tears, I cursed each and every person who had an opportunity to tell me my dad was sick but just couldn’t because they wanted me to finish my exam I blamed my dad also for not informing me that he was admitted I blamed everyone I blamed God also for making my dad sick…I couldn’t spent the entire day with my dad he even didn’t recognise my presence and if he did I just couldn’t tell because the whole time his eyes were closed. Visiting hours was over and I had to leave…ever felt heavy and pain in your heart yes that’s how I felt.
The next day I was informed my dad had passed. HE WAS NO MORE. No one wanted to tell me they all called me they wanted to take me for a cup of tea some even wanted to take me for a road trip but this time round my instincts was telling me something else so I had to call my elder Brother who confirmed to me that my dad is no longer with us whatever happened next I don’t remember.
On our way home one of my relatives accompanied me and they fed me with what they thought was essential and I needed to know just to put you in the light, they told me my mum was the cause of my fathers death…even without giving my mum a chance to speak I believed each and every thing they said I hated my mum I disliked her I just couldn’t stand her presence. They kept feeding me with how he did it and when I believed each and every word they said I never cared how she felt.
During my fathers burial rumours had it that some people were plotting to kill my mum even after hearing this I just didn’t care after the burial my mother wanted us to come back home but only her and my younger sister returned home I remained with my relatives there and then I was fed properly with everything they thought I should hear,i hated my mama even more.
Days later they read my papa’s will and nothing was given to my mum(poor mum I wish I had stood by you I always regret AM SORRY MAMA)
Everybody knew I disliked my mum and only two people only two people came and talk sense to me there aI realized I was so mean to my mum I cried myself to sleep and then I called her I was sincere I was so sorry a mother will always be a mother she forgave my foolishness she forgave me she came by to were I was days later and I narrated the whole story to her of how everyone thinks she was the one who killed my dad by poisoning his milk and mum was calm she told me I know all that but Believe me I didn’t KILL your dad they did post-mortem on his body you can ask for the result I did,not that I doubted her words but to confirm and it turned out that my dad did not die of food poisoning but some disease I don’t even remember. days later my relatives came home and took everything that belonged to my dad my poor mum she was all alone still mourning her husband but did they care no they wanted the title deed of my mother’s land but my mum told them she bought the land with her own money by her own hard work and sweat they left they took everything that belonged to my dad leaving my mum with nothing…
How strong is this woman my mother she didn’t say a thing until today when she narrated the story and broke down in tears I felt her she did not send off her husband in the right manner I felt her I cried with her my poor mum I could have stood by her that day but I was so foolish so stupid am sorry mama I know your pain I feel it with you but the God you pray will always see you through
This woman my mama she has stood by me through thick and thin when all others were against me she was there for me I love her today tomorrow and forever just don’t say anything about her this time round am there to have her back I will stand with my mama today and forever.

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